DEALING WITH SELFISHNESS

Of all of the possible character flaws, I think that the worst kind is selfishness. We all are selfish, to some extent, but what worse is, is that we often are oblivious of the fact that we are! Selfishness makes us blind to the selfishness of our own actions, deaf to the nasty sound of our choice of words and often convinces us that we are more right than anybody else, causing us to constantly justify our actions and often using accusation as a means of trying to prove our own « rightness ».

Then how do we correct it if we can't even detect it...?!

First of all it is necessary to become aware of what selfishness looks like and the unnecessary hurt it inflicts. If we recognize it in others, experience its cruelty, the goal would be not to judge those we learn from, but to discern if we commit similar actions. This requires a great amount of honesty and humility!

Effectively fighting selfishness requires a lot of deliberate action and accepting that we can’t always be perceived as being right, even when we actually ARE right.

Selfishness often increases over time as a kind of defense mechanism against hurt, therefore it often does have a root cause. As much as insecurities stimulate selfish behavior, in my experience, unforgiveness often plays a very big role. Not necessarily spiteful unforgiveness, but more of a I-dont-want-to-deal-with-it kind.

I believe that selflessness can be acquired as much as selfishness can, and that consideration can be inspired by being an example of love.

As somebody who used to love to be right (and, yes, I still have my moments lol), I have found the following to work: - accept that you can't always be right because it comes at a high cost. We can find ourselves pushing away people we love for the sake of constantly justifying ourselves... - refuse to argue. Rather say you’re sorry about the misunderstanding and leave it at that. Rather let the other person « win » if needs be. It is so worth it if it is somebody you love. - Love lavishly. Most people can’t resist love, and will end up changing because of the way you love them. If they do continue reverting to ugliness, there might be more to their selfishness than past hurts. By the way, malicious selfishness is something completely different all together...

In short : changing the world, or even only the atmosphere in our homes, start with us being willing to change OURSELVES !