MAKE SURE YOU CATCH THE RIGHT TRAIN

A while ago, I got onto the “dying to self” train. While it isn’t a bad train to take every now and then, I have discovered the danger of staying on it for too long...

As I was standing on the figurative station of my right-now life, engaged in a fabulous journey with God, constantly discovering Him in a number of new ways. So when this train pulled in, I naturally assumed that it was my ride.

I got on, meeting a group of good-intentioned people who were also on this journey, but I failed to see that their tour-operator was a very legalistic guy and that some of them had, in truth, embarked on a journey of self-edification rather than true dying to self.

There is indeed a very fine line to discern when it comes to dying to self. Even when you have the best of intentions, it can easily become something that you are doing to obtain God’s favour, which takes your eyes off of Jesus as the sacrifice-substitute...

I remember doing a session with this group where we lay ourselves on the altar - and it was beautiful at the time. The problem is that I kept returning to that altar in my mind, and I put myself under more and more pressure to perform, or, to become my own perfect sacrifice. And because of my imperfect nature, my own sacrifice could never suffice! So it became a vicious circle of desperately trying to obtain God’s favour over and over again, until the whirlpool of legalism sucked out all of my passion for God. Yes. I lost interest all together.

I started to struggle with stress, then anxiety and it became so bad that I came to a point of total desperation last night.

This morning, I decided to run back to my initial “station” and to seek God’s face.

Jesus was already waiting there, handing me a Isaiah 51:12-13 “ticket” and suggested that we get onto the train of “repenting of pride”. I was shocked initially. I hadn’t seen this coming. Here I was feeling sorry for myself because of my stress and stuff, while in fact I was offending God with my... pride?

I saw the all-too-familiar altar before me, and I prepared myself to get on top of it, as I have done so many times over the past few months, when Jesus grabbed my arm, held me back and said : “this is MY cue...!”

I watched Him as He engaged the steps to the place of sacrifice, and suddenly everything became crystal clear. What I have considered as a journey in faith toward “less of me and more of Him”, had become the total opposite because of the presence of legalism.

LOOOOONG story short: the only way to die to self, is in surrendering to a meaningful relationship with God where you glorify Jesus for taking your place on the altar. When you lose sight of Jesus, you lose sight of Love. While there is no fear in love, there is fear in the absence of it. And fear manifests as stress, anxiety, bitterness, etc... When you identify fear, there is only one way to go: give God His throne back!