THE MARRIAGE BICYCLE (and other bicycles)

My dad used to say “marriage can be heaven, or it can be hell”. Seeing that my parents were an absolute perfect example of love and respect, I don’t think I really considered the latter part of his statement.

I guess I had to go through the process of an unhappy marriage, that ended up in a hectic divorce, to understand that the rule of thumb, in this broken world, is much rather the latter, than the first part of my dad’s statement.

God, however, had His mind made up to prove to me that marriage could indeed be heaven, by introducing me to the charming, humble, honest and sincere Frenchman that I have been married to for over a decade now.

If there is one thing that I have learned, it is the value of love and respect in a marriage - in any relationship as a matter of fact. They are the two pedals that make the bi-marriage-cycle move forward.

We need to feel loved and appreciated in order to respect our spouse fully, and we need to feel respected by our spouse in order to demonstrate a sincere love.

Examples:

Sarcasm, which is very popular in our modern society, is a killer in terms of respect, even when its intent is humourous, because it can easily be misinterpreted.

Demonstrating love is not only kisses and cuddles ( even though these are essential!), it is also giving a hand in the household, taking a cup of coffee to your late-working spouse, running a bath for your exhausted wife...

Another vital component in keeping a bicycle on track, is balance. If both partners do not give all of themselves to the other, there will be a weight-imbalance and you will end up crashing somewhere down the road. In practical terms it means that your partner has to be your one and only : no “side-dishes” and no “innocent flirting” (there’s nothing innocent about flirting - ask the expert!).

In 10 years of above-average happy marriage, we have had our more arid seasons too, and in those moments when you feel more frustration than love, it is only your MUTUAL commitment and integrity that can keep your “chain from derailing”. The good news is that, when both are willing to try (applying the above principles of love, respect and giving 100%), the wilderness can indeed blossom once again.

While all of these words are spoken from experience, I’m only just starting to understand how these same principles can take me into a much deeper love relationship with my God.

Earlier tonight, I was thinking about Jesus and asked Him: “How can your Bride give herself to you in a way that gives you pleasure?”

Instantly I heard the answer: “Faith!”

A single word.

I almost felt despair... Besides my ongoing diabetes, after two weeks of hosting the flue in our household in spite of fervent prayers, faith seems to be something I have fairly little of right now!

In that moment He gently reminded me that true faith isn’t convincing yourself that YOU have the capacity to move mountains. Rather, it is making the deliberate choice to believe that HE does!

Isn’t it almost stereotypical in the most beautiful of ways, that our heavenly Lover desires us to look at Him as our Superhero, with eyes of love? Smitten by Who He is?

A marriage that works comes not by striving to be the best financial provider, the best possible housewife, or by resentful submission. No, it comes by allowing ourselves to be given fully, without restrain. It happens when we love blindly and unconditionally. From both sides!

Today you need to understand that your savior is smitten with love for you. Take that to heart, because He is standing at the door knocking, hoping that you will return His love...

Are you ready to throw open the door and take that irreversible leap of faith...?